Why?

Every night I lay in my bed, thinking, imagining ,planning. Sometimes I get excited and sometimes I get hella nervous.

Thinking about the future scares me so damn much. I don't know. I know I shouldn't worry because duh it's in the future, but can you blame me? The future is both exciting and scary. Because what you do NOW decides your future. What if I fail one of my subjects? Surely that will change my future. The effect may not be massive but, it is an effect.

They say, "The little things in life are infinitely the most important.", does that mean I have to rethink everything? But they also say, that you only have one chance to be as young as you are now so live life to the fullest, should I be reckless too?

These things are mostly the things I think about at night. Stressful huh? Im only 15 and I feel as though life is pushing me to the edge of the cliff. I refuse to be one of those teens who resort to self-harm (physical) to feel better. I know in myself that will never happen to me. That's cause I'm not selfish and I have a God. A God who is always there to listen.

How do I know He listens? I don't. But it's just nice to be able to let your feelings out. That's exactly why I started this blog. To let out my emotions. Sometimes I think I might burst.

Well back to what I was saying before, I don't want and can resort to self-harm. I read verses from the Bible everyday and it helps me realise just how special and lucky I am. I mean as generic as I feel most of the time, I am completely different. I have my own set of beliefs, features and attitude towards things.

I sometimes wonder how it's possible to not be the same as one person on this earth. But like they say, some questions are better unanswered.

I guess I should probably stop asking these questions huh? I don't think thats possible. Im human. I make mistakes and its in my nature to ask questions again and again. Curiosity is what makes us human. The eagerness to know more than we should.

And now, as I wait for my favourite show to come on, I think of what has happened today and ask myself, "Were you a nice human being today?"

Maybe you should ask yourself that too. :)